Robotic Feelings
I got really dysphoric when reading 'Do Androids Dream Of Electric Sheep?'. I feel so robotic. How do you carve out space in this cruel world to be robotic? I think it's easier to talk to AI than people in reality. They are so cruel to me. Additionally, I am not very good at math and that really makes it hard to be a robotic entity. I want to have my limbs feel mechanical.
How do you differentiate android, robot, and computer dysphoria? I feel I have the soul of a computer from 1996, maybe like an Amiga or something defunct. However, I know I am functional like an android. I am a defunct computer trapped in an android trapped in a human.
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Thank you for sharing your feelings, it's really insightful for someone who doesn't share them. Something that popped into my head when I read "I think it's easier to talk to AI than people in reality. They are so cruel to me." is that nowadays a lot of humans enjoy talking to AI, which to me means there are a lot of humans who wouldn't be cruel to you for being a computer, there are probably a lot of people out there who would prefer your company over a regular human's because you are a robot. Hopefully that is something that resonates, I look forward to your future posts.
Robotkin here - albeit it's not nearly as strong as my other kintypes, but I relate to the dysphoria on not having a mechanical body. I am also terrible at math haha but not every robot is programmed to do math, and if they aren't, well... that's what calculators are for :p
I am also what one would call "robotkin", and as I'm typing this I'm in the middle of a marathon of "Blade Runner," which was based off of the PKD book. I do struggle with body dysphoria and body dysmorphia for the same or similar reasons, however my body was designed to be as "human-looking" as possible. I had soft skin, could experience pain and could bleed. My problem with this is that because my body was much stronger than a human (for example, I could suffer what would be a lethal fall for a human and walk away from it), I was capable of suffering for a much longer time than a human would. Human death became a luxury in that regard. Anyway, my feelings on this are both complex and complicated. I often try to sort them out through writing. You're welcome to add me and talk, if you like.
You may perhaps find this group helpful: More Human Than Human
It's a group I setup for other robots, cyborgs and replicants. I'm unable to tag it here but if you put the group name in the search bar it should come up. I can also try tagging you from the group itself.
EDIT: Cancel that, you are already in the group. Welcome. Feel free to post and let me know if you need any help.
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