On stillness

I have been in a fallow season for a while.  After these past 9 months on disability, I had hoped I would be coming out of it soon. 

I had thought that I had come to terms with the isolation and loneliness.  And I had thought I had turned a corner for the better.  But the latest report is that this period will continue for at least another 7 months.  And it feels devastating.

I have tried to use this time for introspection and for some self-growth.  I have tried to be positive through it all.

But I miss the sun and the wind and the water and the rain oh so terribly.  I long for the community I once had and can only hope I will have again.

The parts of me that are other are feel so trapped and restless in this confined body.  The parts of me that need to swim and fly and dance and run are now even more restricted in this broken human form.  Yet they are the parts I find myself trying to escape to for refuge more and more each day.

I long for all my parts to be whole again.  To be able to live entirely again.

But until that time, there is nothing I can do.  I am still.