Colder weather

I used to be a big fan of the colder seasons, because I was mostly just in bed at home so nothing from the outside could bother me. Now that I am active again, intune with my happiness and wanting to experience more things I have noticed that summer is the time I truly thrive. I feel so connected to my core self, I am happy and I just love nothing more than to swim and feel the sun on my skin when I am outside.

I think when it comes to my nonhumanity I simply feel way more aware of the human-shaped cage that I am in when it is cold. I feel my hands hurting from the cold, making me aware that I have hands instead of hooves or fins. My face and nose will feel cold and run, making me aware that my face feels way too flat and squishy and sometimes I just miss my blowhole and dont want to be reminded of my respiratory system at all. I keep shaking when I am cold, once again also making me so aware of my current body parts and how wrong they are to me.

When it's summer I often forget that I am in this human body at all. I will be completely myself and feel my body as it was supposed to be. When I am on the land in my minds eye I am my horse self, when I am in the water I am back in my cetacean lives. I am able to wear clothes that don't touch my skin that much, which is also just nice. I miss the sun, the water and the warm air.

Living life in my condition feels so taxing and sometimes just hopeless, so I am happy to experience any kind of species euphoria whenever I can. And most of it happens in summer, so to see that slowly fade away and morph into the opposite makes me anxious. The colder months definitely do give me other kind of euphoria sometimes and let's me connect with specific past lives of mine but those are ones I already feel more in the distant past. I already can't wait for summer to come back, until then I wish I could hibernate.