#2 - Speechifying
i am thinking. so i suppose i will ramble. warning for dark themes? i speak to myself about illness and the struggles of the undead
my experience with the alterhuman community mostly has begun and ended with the 2021-2022 kinning ... fad? and unfortunately most of the friends i had at the time look back on it negatively. many of them mock it.
the friends i have currently mostly still kin for fun or to simply explore a light facet of themselves. so i have kept quiet. i do know one friend i struggle to understand if i am close to or not is a vampire. he has also mentioned being a therian offhandedly. but i am too shy to inquire further.
i am a very socially dependent person. extrovert with personality defects. so exploring kinning on a deeper level has both been confusing and embarrassing, so i havent done it much. my friends just acknowledge that i am pharma and we dont address it.
however, recently, i have believed myself to have died at the start of this year. i look sick. dead. i am always cold. i have lost weight yet, i am always hungry. i am losing organ function. it is almost euphoric. i died before, i have died again.
one thing that is hard about being a corpse, is believing you need injuries. i feel almost like a liar, a fraud when i dont have a scabbed up wound. the worst is when you desire infections. i will not injure myself any time soon, as i find that silly, but it is frustrating when you know you should be rotting and you are not. cant this organic body at least decompose correctly? i find it difficult to find resources made by fellow zombies. we seem to be few and far between outside of the cotard community, which i will not intrude on.
anyway, i am glad to finally venture out after years of observing on the sidelines. i know i am brand new, but everyone has been lovely so far ♥
1 comment
I am glad that your experience of opening up here has been so positive! It's a feeling that is hard to describe; to open up and be seen and accepted, maybe even understood.
As someone who has worked in a morgue & funeral center, I can maybe reassure you that you don't need visible injuries to be valid in your identity of being dead or undead. I have seen corpses that looked like they were alive, simply sleeping yet were not any less dead. Not everything can be seen from the outside, you don't have to feel like a fraud. Although of course I do sympathize with your feelings and don't think they aren't valid or can feel debilitating. Accepting yourself as you are is easier said than done.
Log in to leave a comment.