Achedunoi. It's a word that I've been carrying with me for years. It's one of the few words from my own world, my own language, that have survived the translation of my experience through Jarin's consciousness. It's also a word that is very special to me.
Achedunoi. In it's simplest form, it is a greeting to one who has been loved and missed, upon their returning. But it's not something that you would use to greet your partner with at the end of a workday. It is used for partings which have weight to them. That last decades, centuries, even lifetimes. Partings that leave a wound behind.
Achedunoi. I have found the part of myself that has been missing, and I am made whole again.
Brightest
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I live on a world called Yyl'Nector. Not in the past, not in another life. I am there right now. I can see the sun there, taste the breeze, feel the grass under my feet. My home is there, my family is there, my friends are there.
Rarely do I identify with anything mammalian. Usually it is (closer to) avian, or reptilian, if it is something that is "alive" and not android or replicant. But, when I do, it is the bear in particular. A common pattern that has stayed with me, to varying degrees, across multiple lifetimes.
This song was based on original lyrics, written by me in April 2011: https://www.otherkin.net/posts/whats-changed/
This version was performed acapella by me, to the melody that I originally imagined when writing it. Yes, that's my actual voice, and sorry for the background noise of the air conditioner and the mechanical keyboard.
I don't love this version, I prefer the previously posted version set to music and performed by an AI, Suno. However, I will admit that part of my reaction there is feeling something along the lines of dysphoria when I hear my own voice recorded. I have a fairly decent singing voice, but I much prefer to share it in live in-person contexts. Bardic circle around a campfire, for example. Maybe sometime I'll see you there.
I've been around for awhile.
Just before bedtime rq:
Who shall loose Orion's bands?
"I!" saith Eternity.
"I with annulling hands
Shall set the Titan free."
Who shall erect upon the sky
New forms of might?
Saith Eternity: "I!
I shall re-people night.
"As a breath on glass,
As witch-fires that burn,
The gods and monsters pass,
Are dust, and return.
"Is the toil much to you
That is little to me?
Such dreams the gods knew,"
Saith Eternity.
I have been in a fallow season for a while. After these past 9 months on disability, I had hoped I would be coming out of it soon.
I had thought that I had come to terms with the isolation and loneliness. And I had thought I had turned a corner for the better. But the latest report is that this period will continue for at least another 7 months. And it feels devastating.
I have tried to use this time for introspection and for some self-growth. I have tried to be positive through it all.
But I miss the sun and the wind and the water and the rain oh so terribly. I long for the community I once had and can only hope I will have again.
The parts of me that are other are feel so trapped and restless in this confined body. The parts of me that need to swim and fly and dance and run are now even more restricted in this broken human form. Yet they are the parts I find myself trying to escape to for refuge more and more each day.
I long for all my parts to be whole again. To be able to live entirely again.
But until that time, there is nothing I can do. I am still.
This song was based on original lyrics, written by me in April 2011: https://www.otherkin.net/posts/whats-changed/
However, it was set to music and performed by an AI, Suno. This allowed me to share it in a format that I simply wouldn't have been able to otherwise, and personally I think this is the best version of the song, and came out remarkably consistent with my original vision for it. However, I will also be posting an acapella version in my own voice, with the melody as I had originally imagined it when writing the song. You can find that here: https://www.otherkin.net/posts/whats-changed-acapella-version-de497393/
Once again just before I go to bed. Today's prompt is:
unsure if that is the right term. forgive me.
Bwoof!!
I have been wanting to do these prompts for a while, but I haven't had a ton of time. Today is my day off, so I thought I might as well! I think my goal right now is to do them all, eventually!
What questions about your identity have you stopped asking? What made you stop?