Judge Rialian: Episode 1

LIVE FROM OTHERKIN TV:

The Bailiff:

Order in the court! The Honorable Judge Rialian, Prince Righteous, Defender of the Royal Throne, HOPE of the Realm, is now presiding!

Plaintiff: Lady Taffy Brightstar of Willowood Defendant: Rowan al’Thandor, alleged Dandelion Mage

The Plaintiff is suing the Defendant for $93 million for turning her crabapple trees into Dandelions and making wine from said flowers without giving her a share of the profits.

Judge Ri: What’s the problem?

Taffy (a small, rather rotund elf who resembles a ball of dough): He’s the evil Dandelion Mage, he is, he is! He turned all my crabapples into dandelions!

Judge Ri: And the problem is? (raises one eyebrow)

Taffy: He made wine and did not give me any of the profits realized!

(Rowan groans and shakes his head).

Judge Ri hands Taffy a slice of Brie: Here’s some cheese to go with your whine.

(Everyone groans).

Rowan (a handsome young dragon with a roguish grin): Your Honor, it was at Lady Brightstar’s request that I made the Dandelion Wine for her. All profits were to be split 50-50.

Judge Ri (to Taffy): Is that true?

Taffy: Yes.

Judge Ri: So, what’s going on here?

Rowan: We broke up, that’s all, and she went off her rocker.

Taffy: Your Honor, I am suing this evil Dandelion Mage for pain and suffering and damages inflicted…

Rowan: Well, I am countersuing for…

Judge Ri: Enough, both of you.

(Taffy and Rowan keep arguing and screaming).

Judge Ri: Don’t make me come down there.

(They both yell louder and start throwing things at each other).

Judge Ri: All right, that’s it!

He descends from the bench, grabs them both, and gives each a sloppy, resounding lick on the nose.

Taffy and Rowan: AAAAIIIEEEEEEE!!!! (They run out of the courtroom still screaming).

Bailiff: That wraps it up for today’s episode of Judge Ri! See you next time, when we have the divorce case of The Bondage Fairy who was kept in captivity by a band of Elves and liked it!

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