These days, you see a lot of people looking for someone who is ‘everything they need’, and using terms like soulmate, or soulbonded. You see it in the personals section. You see it in movies. You’ve probably heard it from some of your friends.

So what is a soulbonded or soulmate, anyway?

To most of modern America, it basically is a glamorous word for Ms./Mr. Right, imbued with a strong emotional context.

To people who study metaphysics, it means something entirely different: it means someone with whom you tend to reincarnate time after time, helping each other learn lessons. In extreme cases, it can even go to the extent of having agreed to permanently share soul development.

That may sound like a romanticized version of marriage, but the reality is often far from romantic. Soul relationships are usually about personal and spiritual development, so they are often among the most trying and difficult relationships that you can have. Soul relationships aren’t always romantic or erotic, either.

People who’ve deeply studied metaphysics, magic, psi, or any other esoteric art come to realize that there are many ways in which people can be ‘connected’ to each other, and that many of those connections can create a deep sense of closeness that can easily be mistaken for a soulbond or soulmate relationship. Those connections can be very deep and fulfilling, so they can form either the basis of a strong relationship, or a deep enhancement to an existing relationship. In a “good” relationship they can be wonderful. Unfortunately, in a not-so-good relationship, they can be very unpleasant.

Below are some overview descriptions of types of connections, links. and bonds that I have observed or experienced.


Most empaths have the ability to link to someone, and to deepen a link into a bond.When an empath is linked to someone, they can easily “reach out” and feel the one to whom they are linked, and then know how that one feels, emotionally and physically, and sometimes even perceive what they are doing. When a link deepens to a bond, the empath doesn’t even have to “reach”; it is as if the other person is constantly standing right next to the empath.

A mistake that some empaths make is bonding to someone, and thinking that it will go both ways. If the other person isn’t also an empath, or if the other person isn’t strongly attached to the empath, then they probably won’t form a bond back to the empath. Those situations can easily lead to a frustrating relationship where the empath who bonded feels everything that goes on with their partner, but the partner doesn’t feel what is going on with the empath.

Empathic connections can be removed or severed, although breaking an empathic bond can be both difficult and physically debilitating, as well as emotionally painful and possibly damaging. Breaking a link isn’t as hard, nor as traumatic. In either case, you do need to monitor yourself to make certain that the connection isn’t reforming. In either case you might want to spend time with someone you care about for a while. It has taken me a few weeks to recover from severing some deep empathic bonds.

Death/reincarnation normally severs empathic bonds. That is one factor in the trauma that some individuals experience when a loved one passes on.


People who do chi, chakra, or Tantra work sometimes learn that one’s energy centers can be linked to those of another person. That provides a closeness and a sense of awareness of the energetic state of the other person, and an energetic interaction that can be quite ecstatic in certain situations.These types of links are often transitory, but much like empathic connections they can be extended into a quasi-permanent link, and be deepened into a bond. An energetic link that is maintained allows closeness and energetic awareness at will, and one that has been deepened to a bond allows one to be constantly aware of the other person’s energetic state, without effort.

It is possible to have a one-way connection to someone else’s energetic system. That can happen when the other person doesn’t have the proper training, if the other person has some kind of energetic or emotional blockage, or if the other person isn’t willing to make that type of connection. One-way energetic connections of this type can be energetically, emotionally, or even physically painful.

Energetic connections can be broken or severed. A link is easier to sever than a bond, and the results are less traumatic. Severing an energetic bond can destabilize your energetic system, so be prepared and careful when attempting that. Energetic links and bonds can reform, so it is a good idea to monitor one’s energetic system for several days after severing a connection, and to monitor one’s energetic system on a periodic basis.

Energetic connections are normally severed by death and reincarnation. Again, this is a factor in the trauma that some individuals experience when a loved one passes on.


People who do a lot of metaphysical/soul/spirit work learn to find a place inside themselves where this incarnation connects to the greater self. In the tradition where I learned this, that place is called a SoulSpace.Those who work with such places find that there can be a connection between SoulSpaces, allowing one to reach directly from one’s SoulSpace to the SoulSpace of another person. These connections completely bypass “normal” reality, because SoulSpaces don’t really quite exist in physical reality. These connections can be temporary or long-term, and can deepen significantly if both so choose.

Having a SoulSpace connection allows one a lot of the same closeness as an empathic connection, but also allows one to reach directly into the other person’s SoulSpace. It allows reaching across distance easily. In some cases, it can lead to a constant sense of the inner state of each other. That can cause disharmony and disquiet if the other person doesn’t want your presence.

I haven’t personally experienced a SoulSpace connection being severed, so I don’t know what the results would be. I would anticipate some pain and possible trauma. Like other types of connections, I would expect that SoulSpace connections could reform over time if that is not prevented.

This type of connection does survive bodily death, although one does tend to “forget” the connection and not be aware of it after reincarnating. Awareness may be prompted by meeting the other person, or may be prompted by an inner awareness that the other person has incarnated, even though you haven’t encountered them, and won’t for years.

Being incarnated while having a SoulSpace connection from a prior life sometimes leads to a sense of incompleteness, of looking for someone else. This is often mistaken for a romantic attachment – which may or may not be correct. This is one of the types of connections that is sometimes called a soulmate or soulbond connection.

SoulSpace Fragments

People who work with SoulSpaces can learn to form bonds by either fusing and/or exchanging pieces of their inner self. That often takes the form of a living “being” that normally inhabits their own SoulSpace being placed into the SoulSpace of the other person.This is not something I would recommend, in general, because of the repercussions that are possible. It is something I would only recommend if studying under a tradition where that type of thing is taught. Even if you are, it is still something which I would recommend rethinking at least twice, and checking with one’s sense of the cosmic Dance. It can be Really Bad in some cases. It can be Really Good in some cases. But it is always Really Risky.

Having this type of connection allows the same type of closeness as a SoulSpace connection, but you don’t have to reach into the other person, because a part of you is always there. You can be instantly aware of the inner state of the other person, unless they somehow block information from getting to that part of you. This can be done both ways. Only having it set up one way can be emotionally disturbing and painful.

This type of connection can be broken. The results can be quite traumatic. I had one of these which was severed after being in existence for 18 months. I lost a lot of memory of those 18 months, including magical and professional skills which I literally had to relearn as though I had never known them. I also went through severe emotional and physical trauma. My recommendation: don’t go there.

These connections also last past death, although I suspect that they are largely “forgotten” when reincarnating, as with a normal SoulSpace connection.

Incarnating with this type of connection from a prior life sometimes leads to a sense of incompleteness, of looking for someone else. This can be mistaken for a romantic attachment – which may or may not be correct. This is one of the types of connections that is sometimes called a soulmate or soulbond connection.

Twin soul

Souls can also “split” into two or more parts, and if those parts are well developed enough to continue to exist independently, they can go on as separate souls, incarnating down through the ages. That is what some people call “twin flames” or “twin souls”. Some souls do this more than once, creating more than two individual parts of the original soul.Such twin souls have the sense of connectedness and awareness available from a SoulSpace connection, but to a greater degree of depth. These connections often seem to be impossible to close down or sever. There can be a significant pull to be together, although that is not always the result.

These connections also last past death, but are, at least sometimes, “forgotten” when reincarnating. Even when “forgotten”, the individual may be aware that something or someone is missing.

This type of connection is often mistaken for a romantic attachment – which may or may not be correct. Because Twin Souls have chosen different developmental paths, they may be incompatible as romantic partners, even though they may feel an intense pull to be together romantically. This is one of the types of connections that is called a soulmate or soulbond connection.

Created Soul Bond

Initially separate souls also seem to be able to choose to be joined. Once this happens, those souls tend to incarnate together. They share soul development, and both have to learn lessons to progress. It is possible that some cases identified as “twin souls” are actually this type.These connections cause much of the same sense of connectedness and awareness common to Twin Souls, although there seems to be a greater drive to be together, to live as a partnership.

These connections seem impossible to close down or sever. The main drawback that I’ve seen is that neither person is happy unless the other person is incarnated with them.

These connections last past death, and although the connection may be forgotten, the person will feel incomplete and will be “seeking” until they find their partner.

This is one of the types of connections that is called a soulmate or soulbonded. It may be the only one that consistently leads to *successful* romantic partnerships.

Soul Mates

Souls can also be drawn together by “karma” or “destiny” – by either choices or obligations to one another, or by proximity in the greater Dance. This is not Karma in the way that some people think of “paybacks”; rather, it is about internal balance and development. It can also be a perceived or actual obligation to help someone work through something, or a need to resolve personal baggage related to interactions in other lives. It can also be a draw formed not by direct interaction with someone else, but by interaction with a pattern that also moves other individuals, so that one encounters those other individuals, even though there is no direct connection.When one of these interactions exists, someone comes into your life for a reason. That reason may be for only an event, or for a series of events, or for most or all of your life. Sometimes these individuals may be relatives or even siblings. Sometimes they may be friends, sometimes lovers. They are often assumed to be romantic, although that is not necessarily correct. The interaction is there to help one or both of you learn specific things, or deal with specific things, or because you are both moving with specific patterns.

There is nothing to sever to stop these interactions, as it isn’t a direct connection, but a flowing-together in patterns. In the case of past life baggage that needs to be cleared, clearing that baggage and moving forward will eliminate that cause for the relationship to exist. In the other cases, there may or may not be any actions that would eliminate the cause for the interaction.

These interactions are for one or more lifetimes, and the awareness of them may or may not exist until meeting the other person. Sometimes not even then.

This is the type of interaction that many metaphysicians call Soul Mates.

Species Resonance

Among non-human reincarnates, one of the more common experiences is the pull towards someone with a similar non-human nature. This does vary from species to species, so it isn’t universal. For example, it does seem more common among some of the Elf and Elf-like species, and somewhat less common among some of the Faerie and Dragon species.The pull of species resonance can feel like other types of connections, and for some species does provide a sense of closeness similar to empathic or soulmate connections. For some species, it can generate a sense of Need for the presence of others of that species (elves seem particularly prone to this, although it is stronger in some species than in others).

This type of attraction can easily be confused with romantic attraction, unless one is observant and careful. It can also serve as an enhancement to other types of attraction.

There really is no way to close down or sever species resonance, as it isn’t a connection, but rather a similarity of nature.

Species resonance can last across reincarnation, although the strength will vary with the amount of manifestation of that nature. For example, someone who has a touch of elf but isn’t manifesting it strongly this lifetime may not feel any species resonance for elves, while someone who is strongly manifesting Elf almost certainly will experience species resonance towards others who are strongly manifesting Elf. The strength of the resonance also varies with the similarity of the individuals’ non-human natures. For example, those who were elves of similar nature/origin will tend to be more strongly drawn to each other than to elves of different nature/origin.

For those who experience strong species resonance, not being able to be with others of their type can be disturbing; it can generate a constant awareness of unfulfilled need. In severe cases, unfulfilled species resonance can be a factor that affects emotional stability. Individuals who experience this should take care to maintain inner stability.

One caution that I would give is that anyone who is desperately seeking to create any of the above types of connections probably has some unresolved issues about needing someone else that they really should resolve before pursuing a deep relationship. I’ve seen some attempt to decide who their “soulmate” or “soulbonded” will be. That normally isn’t the kind of thing one can decide. Normally either such a connection exists, or it doesn’t. If it doesn’t, then seeking it probably indicates a problem on the part of the seeker.My experience is that some types of connections happen naturally over time when one is in the right place at the right time. Learning to follow one’s heart (not mind, not emotions) and learning to Dance the greater Dance – those will result in being in the right place at the right time, more and more often as one progresses. That will naturally result in some of these types of connections forming, when it is right for them to do so.

Also, remember that we get handed lessons in life. Some of those lessons are really hard for us – things that we often would rather walk away from. When there is a lesson that we won’t hang around to learn any other way, there is often a “hook” added to make sure that we do stick around to learn the lesson. Quite often, that hook can take the form of a relationship. Usually, the most intense relationships are there because someone needs to learn something and won’t any other way: either us, or the other person, or both.

So be careful of wanting the hook. You can learn a lot, and it may be wonderful for some of it, but it can hurt… a lot, sometimes.


I hope that these descriptions help people – help them to be aware of what they are doing, help them to not be looking at a glamorous image that isn’t true, and help them to be able to use words/terms that accurately describe what they have found.It isn’t always easy to tell what kind of connection one has. The reason that I can see the difference between these types of connections is because I’ve experienced all but one of them, and I’ve been able to see that one in contrast to what I have experienced.

I think a lot of people call a relationship a soulmate or a soulbond because that relationship is the deepest relationship that they have experienced, and they are trying to find a way to express what they feel. That’s understandable, and hopefully these terms will provide a way for some of those relationships to be more accurately understood and described.

You don’t have to be “bonded” to have a deep and meaningful relationship with someone. If you find a really good relationship, and you both are on some type of inner growth path, then you will probably find yourself developing one of the above connections over time – possibly more than one.

Just make sure that you find a good relationship *first*, and let the rest work itself out. 🙂