50 Ways to Host Your Brothers

(tune of 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover by Paul Simon)

“The problem is that you lack a head”, she said to me.
“The answer is easy if you take it logically.
“I’d like to help you in your struggle to be me,
“There must be 50 ways to host my brothers….”

She said, “It’s really not my habit to include,
“And furthermore I hope my residents won’t be lost or mixed with you.
“But I’ll reveal myself, at the risk of being a brood,
“There must be 50 ways to host my brothers–50 ways to host my brothers…

“Ya just split down the back, Jack
“Make a new man, Stan
“Y’don’ need to destroy Roy
“Just get into me–
“Hop on the bus, Gus
“Ya don’ need to discuss much–!
“Just squeeze in with me, Lee
“And we can be three…”

“Ooh, split down the back, Jack
“Make a new man, Stan
“Y’don’ need to destroy Roy
“Just get into me–
“Hop on the bus, Gus
“Ya don’ need to discuss much–!
“Just squeeze in with me, Lee
“And we can be three…”

She said “It grieves me so to see you lack a brain,
“I wish there were something I could do
“To make you live again.”
and I said that I appreciate that
and “Would you please explain about the 50 ways–?”

She said, “Why don’t we both just sleep on it tonight
“And I believe in the morning you’ll begin to see the light.”
And then she channeled me and I realized she probably was right,
There must be 50 ways to host your brothers.
50 ways to host your brothers…

“Ya just split down the back, Jack
“Make a new man, Stan
“Y’don’ need to destroy Roy
“Just get into me–
“Hop on the bus, Gus
“Ya don’ need to discuss much–!
“Just squeeze in with me, Lee
“And we can be three…”

“Ya just split down the back, Jack
“Make a new man, Stan
“Y’don’ need to destroy Roy
“Just get into me–
“Hop on the bus, Gus
“Ya don’ need to discuss much–!
“Just squeeze in with me, Lee
“And we can be three…”

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